Beware “Yes”, Master “No”

Posted by Beetle B. on Fri 27 April 2018

Other negotiation books try to get the other side to say “Yes” to anything. Or get them to say “Yes” to an abstract principle (pre-commitment). But people can be quite uncomfortable with “Yes”. They say it and feel uneasy. They often think (rightfully so), that they are being manipulated.

Get them to say “No” ASAP.

No” Starts The Negotiation

Quickly get to the point where the other side says “No”. Do not dispute their right to say “no”. Acknowledge it. Once they see you know where they stand and don’t dispute their authority, they are more open to listening.

People will fight to the death for their right to say “No”. Autonomy is important.

People have a universal need for autonomy. Don’t challenge it. You want them to get to “Yes” on their own terms, without external pressure. Let them own their decision.

On the flip side, don’t take “No” as the final word. If they say “No”, do they mean any of the following?

  • I am not yet ready to agree.
  • You are making me uncomfortable.
  • I do not understand.
  • I don’t think I can afford it.
  • I want something else.
  • I need more information.
  • I want to consult others.

When you hear “No”, pause, and then ask questions or merely label:

  • What about this doesn’t work for you?
  • What would you need to make it work?
  • It seems like something in here is bothering you.

Persuade in Their World

(Again bashes GTY because he thinks it advocates only thinking about our side and not the other).

Be worried if you’re expecting a tough negotiation and the other party quickly says “Yes”.

People often say “Yes” if they want to get rid of someone and saying “No” doesn’t work.

There are three kinds of “Yes”:

  • Counterfeit: Used to get rid of you, or to get you to talk more so they can pump you for information.
  • Confirmation: Usually in response to a black and white questions. No promise of action.
  • Commitment: This is what you want.

It is hard to know which of the three they mean.

If they say “I suppose so”, it is a very bad sign.

Most people have two strong urges: The need to feel safe and the need to feel in control. Satisfy both. Key point: Logic alone does not lead to people feeling safe! Using only logic is much more likely to get you a counterfeit yes. Getting them to “no” and acknowledging it makes them feel in control and safe.

Don’t feign being nice. It’s been overdone by salespeople.

No” is Protection

Use this principle to ask questions to start the discussion. Don’t say “Do you have time to talk?”. Ask “Is now a bad time to talk?” If they answer “Yes” to the first, they will answer “No” to the second.

No” lets you have a discussion. “Yes” leaves nothing to discuss.

Benefits of “No”:

  • Allows the real issues to be brought forth
  • Protects people from making bad decisions, and allows them to correct them
  • Slows things down to a pace preferred by them
  • Helps them feel safe and in control

Getting to no is not always easy. Tactics:

  • Mislabel their emotions/desires
  • Directly ask: “What would you say ‘no’ to?”

If they never say “No”, they may be indecisive, confused, are trying to hide something (not revealing their cards).

Email Magic: How Never to be Ignored Again

If people don’t respond or are slow, send an email asking: “Have you given up on this project?” Don’t be worried whether this sounds rude.

Key Lessons

  • Stop “leading” people to your solution with “Yes” - especially with logic.
  • No” is the beginning, not the end.
  • An early “Yes” many not be a commitment “Yes”
  • No” makes people feel safe. Learn to phrase simple questions to get “No”.
  • Force people into a “No” (e.g. with a mislabel).
  • Feel free to ask “Have you given up on the project?”

tags : negotiation, nstd