Getting Past No: Overview

Posted by Beetle B. on Wed 12 July 2017

Five Barriers To Cooperation

  • Your Reaction: You either strike back or give in. Both are damaging.
  • Their Emotion: Anger, hostility, fear, distrust, etc. Seeing the world as “kill or be killed”, they refuse to cooperate.
  • Their Position: Digging their heels in. They feel if they cooperate, they have somehow given in.
  • Their Dissatisfaction: Even if you show how it will benefit them, they fear giving in is a loss of prestige/esteem.
  • Their Power: Why cooperate if they feel they can get their way through power?

If you have to deal with these, you need to perform breakthrough negotiation.

This means instead of handing them the idea, help them figure it out from within. Instead of pressuring them to change their mind, create an environment for them to learn.

Only they can break through these barriers. Your job is to help them.

Step One: Suspend your natural reaction. Go to the balcony.

Step Two: Refrain from arguing. To defuse their negative emotions, listen to them. Acknowledge their points and feelings. Show them respect. Step to their side.

Step Three: Don’t reject their position. Reframe it to deal with the problem. “Tell me more. Help me understand why you want this.”

Step Four: Do not push them. Build a golden bridge. Ensure they have a way to save face. Make the outcome look like a victory to them.

Step Five: Do not escalate or make threats. Enhance your negotiating power and bring it back to the table.

The sequence of the steps must be followed.