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Frequently Asked Questions

What If The Other Person is a Bully, Lying, or Trying to Derail While it does happen, most of our evaluations about the other person are...

Putting It All Together

Step One: Prepare By Walking Through The Three Conversations Stories What’s my story? (information, past experiences, rules?) What’s his...

Problem Solving: Take The Lead

Most people don’t have the conversation skills. You’ll talk about understanding and they’ll talk about who’s right. You’ll talk about...

Expression: Speak For Yourself With Clarity

Don’t just listen - you need to share your side of the story. Orators Need Not Apply Do not try to be eloquent or witty. Do not try to...

Learning: Listen From The Inside Out

People have a deep desire: To be heard To know that others care enough to listen Listening Transforms The Conversation Mother has...

Getting Started: Begin From The Third Story

A bad beginning can crater the conversation. But a good one helps you immensely. Why Our Typical Openings Don’t Help Don’t dive in with...

What’s Your Purpose: When to Raise It and When To Let Go

Pick your battles! You can’t have every difficult conversation you come across. Deciding whether to raise an issue or not torments us....

Ground Your Identity: Ask Yourself What’s At Stake

Difficult Conversations Threaten Our Identity Sometimes the anxiety is not due to facing others, but facing ourselves. The conversation...

Have Your Feelings Or They Will Have You

Don’t focus on just the objective facts. Feelings have to be part of the conversation. At the same time, having them explode is...

Abandon Blame: Map The Contribution

Someone screws up, which causes you to screw up. You can blame him/her explicitly (“You screwed up!”) or implicitly (“Let’s do better...

Don’t Assume They Meant It

Intentions strongly influence our judgments. Watch your sentences and notice how often you are attributing intentions to the...

Stop Arguing About Who’s Right

At the heart of the What Happened conversation is a disagreement. Argument is the natural outcome of disagreement. But it is...

The Three Conversations

You need to understand what people are thinking and feeling, but not saying. Every difficult conversation is really a mix of...

Difficult Conversations

What makes a conversation difficult? Usually it is the fear of consequences. If we avoid the conversation, we feel taken advantage of,...