Creating Safety

Posted by Beetle B. on Wed 09 January 2019

Assume there is a 30 foot plank on the ground, and your task is to walk across it. Not a big problem.

Now assume it is 100 ft off the ground. Suddenly, you’re paralyzed. Any motion is potentially deadly. Yet it’s still the same plank!

Now assume that one end is on fire. You now don’t think about how risky it is. You will try to run across the plank (and potentially die). The fire did not make you do the job better, but it got rid of the immediate fear.

When it comes to many tasks, we are the ones who raise the plank to 100 ft, even though it is not really there. We do it by tying the outcome of the plank walking exercise to our self worth. We assume if we fail in the task we are a crappy employee, or fail to succeed on a date means we are a failure at romance and incomplete as a human.

And the fire represents the deadline. Once it is imminent, you rush.

Perfectionism can often raise those planks high. Either you do the job perfect, or you are a failure. Tying projects to your self worth tends to raise the planks high.

See how often your procrastination results in raised planks. He contends they will be most of the time.

The solution is to have a safety net - usually in the form of a plan B or a plan C. You can then feel assured that even if you fail, you’ll be able to get up again. Failure will not mean disaster. You’ll give yourself permission to screw up.

Part of this is to create an indisputable sense of self-worth that is not easily attacked.

Providing yourself with a safe space where you do not try to perform and free yourself from judgments is important.

Successful people fail many times. They go bankrupt. They have health issues. Failures fail only once and don’t try again.

There are usually five stages to procrastination:

  1. You give a task/goal the power to determine your worth/happiness. An example is thinking success in the endeavor will change your life and make you happy. Thus failure means risking happiness.
  2. Perfectionism raises the plank 100 ft high. Tying performance to your self of worth.
  3. You become frozen with anxiety. Stress is high because the stakes are high.
  4. You use procrastination to escape your dilemma. This brings the deadline closer, allowing the need to work on it to build up.
  5. You then use the real threat (deadline/fire) to take action. This releases you from perfectionism (“I didn’t have a choice. I had to act! That’s why the work is not up to par!”)

Note that your procrastination rewarded you by giving you the excuse. This becomes a cycle until you find alternate ways to gauge your self worth.